a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize