Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
