dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
