Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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