I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
