im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
