god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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