Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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