I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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