you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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