My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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