The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
