I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
