ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
