I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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