Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
