I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
