the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I will pee on everything he values.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
