He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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