Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
