nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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