wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
