you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
