Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
