I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
