its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
