Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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