Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
