Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
