just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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