Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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