Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize