guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
