He uses pillows to masturbate.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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