yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
