Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
