I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
