best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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