I wish I only lived at night.
someone owes me an orgasm
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We talked him into tasing himself.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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