They should really pass out barf bags in church
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I smell like Dick and happiness
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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