Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
