Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
