haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think your dad took our porno
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
