I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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