I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
