Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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