everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
