If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
