Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
