I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
