Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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