Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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