Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize