I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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