Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
