Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
