it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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