Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
