woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
