This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
