The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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