why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
