i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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